UGH!

How does one change procrastination? I am doing a type of soul-searching (if you want to call it that) and have decided that I don't like myself very well. I procrastinate waaay too much, and its always on stuff I know I should do and don't want to do. For instance, I have LOTS of homework to do and keep putting it off. I also need ot write a bunch of checks to pay bills and have been putting those off too.

I just went today to visit my grandma in the nursing home and that doesn't look good either. As much as we all want her to ome home, I don't think its going to happen this time. It is getting harder and harder to go see her. Personally, I think we could do a better job taking care of her at home, but we can't afford to pay for round the clock care. :-(

Maybe I will be better able to look at things after my overnite in Michigan City on Saturday. I gotta do something, cuz I feel myself getting more and more depressed everyday.

Can't wait

I am leaving on Saturday morning to go out of town with a good friend of mine named Donna. She and I used to work together at Meijer and has become ONE OF my closest friends. We are going to Michigan City and staying at a motel. We're going to antique stores and probably to the Light House mall after that. It's going to be so nice cuz we will be child and husband free. I love my family, but let's face it... mommy needs some free time. We're going to leave around 11 ish on Saturday and will be home Sunday afternoon.

WOOOHOOOO!!!!!

Wheeeeee

I have been fighting depression since 1986. My doctor diagnosed me with "situational depression"... basically that means that I don't handle good or bad stress well. The depression started when my best friend Rachel died from Cystic Fibrosis. I think a big part of me died that day. Most people will sit there and tell me "get over it and move on"..... I was 14 years old. I am not sure how to do that. I think a part of me is still that 14 year old girl! Then my grandfather (the man who helped my mom raise me) died in 1991. My whole world collapsed then. I developed "hypersomnia". What that basically means is when I get stressed out, I sleep. That's how I deal with stress. On the one hand, its better than drinking or doing drugs, but its not much better when you are raising a family and trying to go to college to make something of yourself.In August, I quit my job of 13 1/2 years to take care of my 92 year old grandmother. Then 3 weeks ago, my grandmother fell and dislocated her hip. Now she is in a nursing home for therapy and I don't know if/when she will make it home. This scares the hell out of me. Now I have to decide where to go from here. So, while I am going to school, I am putting in job applications online. Hopefully I will hear something soon. If not, that's ok too (in a way). Things would be a lot easier if my ex would start paying child support again!Things are getting a little bit better here. I am reconnecting with friends I lost touch with while married to my oldest son's "sperm donor". And, I am finally becoming closer to the friends I never lost touch with. Just when I am ready to totally isolate myself from people, one of my friends call me to bring me out of it. I don't think they will ever know how much I love them and appreciate them!I guess that's all for now. I'll write more soon!